The End is near. Way too near

CAUTION: Do not read unless you know me VERY well otherwise this will sound very depressing. Its just another rant of mine but its not the happiest writing in the world. Seriously, don't read it.

Last time I wrote, I was on a high from Spring Break. Relaxation was my middle name and there wasn't much that could bring me down. Haha. Oh how quickly my moods can change. We returned to classes and were immediately shocked into a state of stress and disbelief. They hit us with an extensive History final that required about 16 hours of studying, then two final projects that would take the remainder of our time here (2 weeks). Even then, they did not shatter my sense of calm. Of course I could get all the work done.

A week into the working process and a few days after my final, I realize that its not the work load that will break me but the realization that I'm leaving in 9 days. 9 DAYS. I knew I would have to leave this place, but not this soon. I'm just not ready.

Its now 3am. I slept for 4 hours and then woke up when my roommate went to bed. I haven't been able to sleep since them. Kept up by the overwhelming thought that I have to leave Rome. I'm not sure that my blog is the right place to express all this stuff but since I sent my diary home with my parents, its really the only place I have. So please forgive me, all those people that read this, I'm just going to vent for a little while. Maybe a few of you might have some advice about dealing with leaving a place, although I should be good at that by now.

Everyday that passes and every little experience that I have, I keep thinking that this will be the last time I do this. I was riding my bike home today, through the bustling city center full of screaming Italians and confused tourists, through the charming Jewish Ghetto with the mighty synagogue and all the little Mom and Pop shops, along the Tiber river with the luscious green plane trees spilling out over the river wall, and finally into the little courtyard with the really old church and my housing unit. All I want to do is take pictures of everything, ingrain them into my memory forever. I feel like I'm losing this new, wonderful piece of myself.  When will I speak Italian again? To an actual Italian person. Without having to pay for classes? Despite how much I hated the endless walking lectures, I will miss comparing the various nuances of every church in Rome. I'm going to miss the sense of camaraderie we have as a group of students in a foreign country. Although there are some people I definitely won't miss, there are some that I will feel lost without when we inevitably get back to Boston and everyone scatters back to their respective lives.

I honestly feel that I don't have much to go back to. The few days with my parents will be wonderful. And to get to see my Gran and Chuck in person. For an entire three days. But then I pack up my things again and move to Boston. Very few people that I love will be there, all still in Europe. I am just going to another city where I feel like I have to start all over again. I have no doubt that I will be fine. After making a life for myself in San Diego, I know I am capable, but all I care about right now is having the comforts of a home. Any home. Rome has finally become that for me and now I have to leave.

I feel that I'm abandoning a best friend that I have no idea if I will ever see again. A list of places I need to see, things I need to buy, and things I need to take pictures of just keeps running through my head. Then on top of that is the pressure to turn in a good project at the end of this 9 days, to go running so that I can be in good shape when I get home (I know that triathlons will be the only thing holding me together for the next few weeks), and to spend as much time with these people that have become my life: my architecture friends, Roman professors, and Roman friends. It's all slipping away way too fast. 

When I read back over this, I realize that I sound extremely depressed. The truth is, I'm not. At all. I am actually just thankful for the amazing experience that I've had here. Kind of stuck between enjoying my last days in Italy and reminiscing about them at the same time. Its a state that I like to call "limbo". In between stages in my life. Its not easy but, like I said, you'd think I'd be used to it by now.

Anyway, after a good cry and a lot of venting, I think I've gotten most of it out. I'm not quite clear headed enough to go to bed yet though. Maybe I'll watch some tv that reminds me of home (Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Privileged?) and let the excitement of seeing my family take over my brain.

Thanks for listening guys. Sorry for that. Love you all and hope you're all healthy and happy.

Ash

Spring Break!

I know I know, I haven't written in 2 weeks. But I have a valid excuse: I was on Spring Break. So prepare yourselves, this is going to be a very long blog. I have actually alloted an hour to write it. Sit back and relax. Hah

I left off after our paper making adventure in Fabriano. The week that followed was a whirlwind of design, Italian, and of course the obligatory 3 hour walks. They informed us that all design decisions must be made before we left for break. That was an unexpected turn for the worst because most of us have just been rambling along, making general decisions but nothing specific. The site of our project is huge and none of us have dealt with so many buildings before. Where do you place the doors, windows, and interior walls in EACH ROOM. What about trees and grass and what kinds of plants do you want?? AHHH! Talk about overwhelming.

On top of all that, we had our last Italian classes and our final on Friday. It wasn't too bad and I'm hopeful for an A in that class.

On Friday, all finals and most design decisions were done and we could relax and look forward to the next 10 days of spring break. My friend, Erica, and I decided to travel just the two of us. We are getting very sick of traveling in groups of 35. Plus, 2 is a lot easier to organize. Our itinerary is as follows: Paris - 2.5 days, travel - 1 day, Istanbul - 2 days, Athens - 1 day, Santorini - 4 days.

We left on Saturday afternoon for Paris, very excited. My best friend, Sarah, studies there but I unluckily chose to visit on one of the weekend she was gone. She gave Erica and I her room anyway saving us a lot of money and hassle. After we settled in to Sarah's rooms, we decided to go for dinner and then out. We had no idea where we were or where was good so we just got on the metro and off at "Notre Dame - San Michel". This turned out to be a good choice. As soon as we got above ground, the night was bustling. We ventured off the main road and onto a smaller alley for a cheaper dinner. No such luck. We ended up paying an arm and a leg but got a very authentic french meal. Foie Gras and all. We then went to a street with lots of pubs and clubs and street performers to a club/pub called Ze Bar. It was an experience to say the least. we proceeded to chug down flaming shots. If you don't know what that is, it involves fire and shots. Lots of fun. Everything in the bar had fire involved. After we got our fair share, we headed home to share Sarah's twin bed. Thank god for alcohol. We were passed out through the night.

The next day was a day for touring. We went to Notre Dame (busy for the weekend before Easter), walked along Champs-Elysees (gorgeous in the sping), to the Eiffel Tower (we layed on the grass underneath it for about an hour), and then to the Sacre Cour (street performances galore). This day of adventure was speckled with nutella crepes and wine. We took our time wandering and sitting when we got tired. A couple of things that stick out in my mind: As we were walking in to the Notre Dame, I passed a guy, about my age, holding up a sign that said "free hugs". I took him up on his offer without being pick-pocketed and it was awesome. I'm going to do it as soon as I can find a city that won't shoot me down. Also, as we were walking out of the Notre Dame, I spotted 4 people with Northeastern University shirts on! They were co-op and study abroad students there and were trying to take a picture to get on the school website. What are the chances! It was so random. Its a small world.

That night, we stayed in and had a bottle of wine and some chocolate in the room, reading all Sarah's American magazines. It was a restless night of sleep and I woke up the next morning with the flu. Ughhh. Sarah came home with Aurel that afternoon after a weekend just outside Paris. We went to lunch, the four of us and then split up so Erica and I could go the Louvre. We flew through that (we're kind of sick of museums) and then lounged outside on the new pyramid fountains. As we were walking back to meet Sarah and Aurel for dinner, a man stopped me and asked to take picture of my feet! My feet! At this point, I had been walking non-stop for 3 months. My nails were a mess and my flip-flops had created a nice little dirt river down my feet. Why my feet? Because I have long toes. Oh of course. I did consider that it might just be a man with a serious foot fetish but who am I to judge? We did a foot photo-shoot for 15 minutes and he then showed me the exhibition I would be in. Weird. Apparently it wasn't a fetish, he was a legitimate photographer.

We left Paris the night for 24 hours of hell. My flu symptoms only got worse. I won't get too graphic, but by the time we connected in Heathrow, there was nothing left in my stomach. We then had an 8-hour night time connection in Heathrow on our way to Istanbul. We had been planning to go out for a couple hours in London and then sleep some in the airport. The flu killed most of those plans. We spent WAY too much money on a hotel room for the night and only ended up sleeping for about 4 hours. We woke up at 4.30am for our flight. We got emergency exit seats (YESSS), only to find out that they didn't recline (NOOOO). So much for sleeping on the plane. Four hours later we arrived in Istanbul to find that Obama was is town. Good time to come to a Islamic country eh? Not that I have anything against Islam, but if anything bad were to happen, it would happen that day. On top of the risk factor, all the roads were closed so he could get to the airport. 2 hours later we found our hostel, on foot. I layed in bed and passed out for 15 hours.

The next day was our only day in Istanbul and we saw all the sites. I drugged up on the pills I got in Paris and we walked around the city. We saw the Blue Mosque, Hagia Sophia, and Grand Bazaar and still had time to spare. I have to say that I have never been to a city where everyone was so genuinely nice. There were very few women around but the men that ran all the restaurants and bazaar stalls treated us with the utmost respect. Every stall we passed gave us some good banter and we gave it back. It was loads of fun just interacting with the population. I had been really nervous when we arrived. I was really tired and very much out of my comfort zone, but they quickly banished my fears. We did as much shopping as we could fit in our bag and everything was really cheap. Probably the most interested thing that happened to us involved a very nice and very crazy Turkish man. As we left our hostel and were trying to figure out how to structure our day, we were approached by a man that explained that we would want to go to the Blue Mosque before prayer time and when the light was good. We asked him to point us in the right direction and he just told us he would walk us there. It was a short walk but we soon found out that he had a carpet store and wondered if we could take a look. He helped us skipped the line at the Blue Mosque and then waited for us outside. Why not indulge him. Little did we know that his "store" wasn't a stall but a huge, expensive carpet and jewelry store. Did they know how cheap and poor we were? We were led upstairs to a show room. Although I should have been scared of some kind of horror story happening, they made us feel very comfortable. We were passed off to the owner of the store who sat us down on some couches and had his minions bring us some apple tea (delicious). He then proceeded to tell us the meaning of life. Hah. He imparted some serious knowledge on us unsuspecting American girls. One quote is: "You are tigers. Women tigers. Tigers keep a clean home, they are good. No one wants to be called a Donkey but everyone wants to be called a Tiger." So apparently we are tigers. Another quote: "You cannot love something that you buy until you own it for a while. Until it becomes yours. Its like your husband. When you first marry him, you do not like him. Then, after three years, you love him. After 25 years, you would die for him. After 25 years, you know him for longer than you know your parents. You love him like he is your parent." 

We bought a carpet. Haha. How could we not? A small one each, small enough to fit in our packs.

That night we left Istanbul for Athens. We took an extortionately expensive taxi because the buses were broken down. Our hostel was "in a really bad area" according to the taxi driver and smelled constantly of smoke. Our room was right next to the bar and played really loud music until the wee hours of the morning. I'm not usually one to complain but this was pretty bad. So far I DID NOT like Athens.

The next day was much better. We walked to the Acropolis which is on top of one of the highest hills in Athens. The views were spectacular and I was more astounded by them than the centuries old structures. By this point, Erica's friend from home had joined us in Greece. She is studying in Alicante, Spain and is on her Easter Break as well. After the Acropolis, we wandered some of the stalls in Greece. After our shopping spree in Turkey, I didn't spend any money. That night we found a hookah bar and settled in. We smoked hookah and ate divine Greek food until we were too tired to hold our heads up. For those of you that don't know, hookah is a kind of flavored tabacco. It comes it all kinds of exotic flavors and you smoke it out of a HUGE, 3 foot tall pipe, with hoses coming off the side. It just relaxes the mind and is not even close to as bad as cigarettes.

The next morning we woke up early to get the ferry to the island of Santorini. On our way there the left rear motor blew up and we had to put-put to the nearest island. We were supposed to be stranded for 3 hours but it ended up being 8. Although this sounds bad, it wasn't. We met up with 5 of our friends from Rome and spent the day on the beach, drinking and talking. And getting a tan! I am no longer completely translucent.

We finally got to Santorini, 9 hours after we were supposed to. We split from the Rome group and were picked up by the guy that owned our hotel, Villa Zinovia. He spoke very little English and laughed a lot. He was really tan with leather skin and a big smile. He just constantly looked relaxed. This was going to a be a good end to our trip. The next day we rented ATV's and explored the island. We found a beach called Red Beach and laid there for the rest of the day. At one point, three guys approached us and we all started talking. I love travelers! They were from the US and had heard our accents. We ended up going out in the main town with them that night. One of them was very cute and more importantly, tall, and I spent most of the evening with him. It was a good night ;)

We spent the next two days laying on the beach and reading like fiends (I have discovered the Twilight series and its addictive). I got rid of my lily white complexion, although I'm sure my tan will wear off within a few days. We returned to Rome completely relaxed and, if I'm being honest, completely sick of each other. I wouldn't mind a few days away from Erica and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. Unfortunately for us, we're roommates. We'll deal.

It was an amazing spring break and I'm really sad for it to end. Although I'm happy to get back to being productive. I can't go long without doing some work. What a sick person I am! I have officially been typing for an hour. Hopefully you didn't get bored. I am now off the studio. We have two weeks of work left and then one week of presentations. There's a final this week that none of us are prepared for. Its going to be a long and emotional last couple of weeks.

Love you all and miss you, hope you're having good days.

Ash